April 15, 2003
(Updated) To My Magazine Thief
Note: This post has been updated. Any and all updates appear at the end of the original post.
It's rather unlikely that the miscreant in question will ever see this, but this is a message to whatever nimrod stole my Harper's at Stumptown Coffee Roasters on SE Division this afternoon:
In my naivete, I guess it never occurred to me that anyone literate enough to read that particular publication would be either an idiot or an asshole. But since the rest of my stuff was sitting there along with it, and my jacket was on the chair in front of it all, it's obvious you're either one or the other.
Good luck with the reading comprehension. If it's too much for you, my address is on the mailing label. Feel free to drop it off when you become frustrated with it.
Update
While it doesn't negate the stupidity of swiping it from someone else's pile of stuff to begin with, whoever lifted my copy of Harper's apparently presumed it was Stumptown's copy, because upon returning for another cup of coffee, I saw someone else reading it, and then someone else reading it, and then it was on the shop's magazine rack. So, while I continue to look firly dowm upon whoever took it in the first place, it is now back where it belongs.